happy birthday to ollie

guest post by susil

i am not sure where the time went

they say it goes by too fast

it has

and i want some of it back

i want to go back to that first evening in the hospital

november 16, 1991

when your dad was holding you

a pink stocking cap on your keppy

while they stitched me up

just in ahhhh that you were a girl

so sure you were max the entire time i was pregnant

you were so gorgeous 

born with a tan

and the most beautiful brown eyes

can i just hold my baby girl again?

i guess as a mom

i know intellectually

that we are all here to learn

and to grow

never really comprehending

how that might actually play out in my child's life

you have been entrusted with some pretty significant challenges

over the years i have felt some gut wrenching pain for you

i have longed to suffer for you instead watching you suffer

i have hated the tics, the medicines that didn't work, the meanies

but  i know now

that you would not be the person you are today

without having had to face some of the things you have

the way you have

i have marveled at your faith

at your tenaciousness

at your ability to pick yourself up

dust yourself off 

and keep moving

you are my hero

truly you are

i love you the millionest

and if i might say- one regret

i should have gotten you those 

scrunched pleather cowboy boots in paris.

happy 20th birthday

ollie