i am my own inspiration.

life is an interesting phenomenon.
& i am my own inspiration.

i cannot tell you how often i hear the phrase "i wish i had a boyfriend",or something similar to that, from my girl friends. [notice that it's 2 words, not one.] i, myself, am quite guilty of saying that phrase maybe eight, or three hundred, times a day.  what i've come to realize is that i don't want a boyfriend as much as i want to be loved.  not by my mom [whose love is the best] or my dog [who loves me when i feed her or i'm sick] or my family or friends.  mark twain, in the quote above, hit the nail on the head.  i desire to be desired -- irresistibly desired.


before i lost the weight, i legitimately thought that people would fall in love with my personality.  for reals.  i actually still believe it.  although someone hasn't asked for my hand in marriage yet, i am so much more confident.  when i make a joke about how good looking i am, or how every boy is in love with me, i actually mean it.  well, semi.


this semester, i am fortunate, as is my whole apartment, to have the best fhe brothers.  they're great and i actually look forward to going to fhe each week.  i'm not sure i can say the same for the boys. but anyways, one of our brothers is engaged.  his fiance is staying in the spare room in our apartment, and she's amazing. i LOVE her.  love love love.  this morning, after i woke up, my roommate told me that tegan, the fhe brother, came over around 7:30 to say good morning and give his finance a kiss.  how cute is that!?!?!?


one day someone [besides my mom and dog] will love me.  he'll love me for the amazing, tourettes inflicted, sailor mouth, obsessive, fashionista, extremely talkative self i am.


& and i can't wait for that day.