realizations.

as i've become a happier person, i've come to realize some things.  


i've come to realize that...


taking offense is a choice.  a personal choice.  if someone says something about my weight or tourettes that i [in my crazy brain] deem offensive, why do i have to get upset?  who says i have to take offense to the little things?  who says i have to take offense to anything? taking offense is a choice and it's up to you to determine how you react.  i used to take offense to everything.  literally.  if i asked my dad if he liked my outfit and he said no, i would get all butt hurt.  even though i asked.  if someone made a comment about my tics or asked "why i was making weird facial movements" [if only i had a nickel for every time i've heard that] i ignored them and/or was extremely rude.  why did i feel the need to do that?  was it because i was insecure about other things and i thought that they were trying to indirectly offend me?  was it because i so angry at myself for being large and in charge that i took any opportunity to take that anger out on people?  was it because i just wanted an excuse to eat more pizza?  the answers are yes, yes, and yes.  why take offense unless you need to?
laughter is the best medicine. i laugh at everything.  and i mean EVERYTHING.  everything funny, that is.  minus people falling down stairs.  i don't think that's funny.  why do i laugh at most everything?  because i can.  because laughing things off is better than taking offense or being embarrassed.  sometimes people compliment me on my positive attitude and how i handle my tourettes with "such perseverance".  i tell them [1] thank you & [2] that life is too short not to laugh it off.  everyone has hardships and we're going to have them no matter what.  my view is that you can either be depressed about your trails or you can laugh them off.  i have tourettes.  i can either be depressed about it and loathe in self pity, or embrace my uniqueness and laugh at my tics. i choose the latter.
i am a flower.

self explanatory.
forgiveness is more than saying sorry. most everyone and their mother knows that my favorite FAVORITE movie of all time is 'just friends' with ryan reynolds and anna faris.  i always joke that i loved ryan reynolds when he was fat.  see the movie to understand that joke.  so i randomly quote 'just friends' a lot and people either [1] know what i'm talking about or [2] look at me like i'm crazy.  anna faris, who plays crazy pop sensation samantha james, writes a song entitled 'forgiveness'.  it goes like this : 'forgiveness is more than saying sorry.  forgiveness means accepting peoples flaws.  to forgive is divine.'  and then she rants on about wine and make up sex, but we're not gonna talk about that.  i really feel like an important life lesson is intertwined in that song, whether we realize it or not.  forgiveness IS more than saying sorry.  it means truly trying to change your actions, and your heart.  forgiveness IS accepting peoples flaws.  i have word vomit.  for those of you who've seen mean girls, you know what i'm talking about.  more times than not, i say things that shouldn't be said.  and it's not until the word/phrase is out of my mouth that i realize i shouldn't have said that thing i just said.  thankfully, i have wonderful friends who love me despite "my stupid mouth" that "got me in trouble" because "i said too much."  i hope you all appreciated that JM reference.  

i am so grateful that this picture speaks the truth.
i am beautiful. no matter what people may say or think.

i am my own inspiration.

life is an interesting phenomenon.
& i am my own inspiration.

i cannot tell you how often i hear the phrase "i wish i had a boyfriend",or something similar to that, from my girl friends. [notice that it's 2 words, not one.] i, myself, am quite guilty of saying that phrase maybe eight, or three hundred, times a day.  what i've come to realize is that i don't want a boyfriend as much as i want to be loved.  not by my mom [whose love is the best] or my dog [who loves me when i feed her or i'm sick] or my family or friends.  mark twain, in the quote above, hit the nail on the head.  i desire to be desired -- irresistibly desired.


before i lost the weight, i legitimately thought that people would fall in love with my personality.  for reals.  i actually still believe it.  although someone hasn't asked for my hand in marriage yet, i am so much more confident.  when i make a joke about how good looking i am, or how every boy is in love with me, i actually mean it.  well, semi.


this semester, i am fortunate, as is my whole apartment, to have the best fhe brothers.  they're great and i actually look forward to going to fhe each week.  i'm not sure i can say the same for the boys. but anyways, one of our brothers is engaged.  his fiance is staying in the spare room in our apartment, and she's amazing. i LOVE her.  love love love.  this morning, after i woke up, my roommate told me that tegan, the fhe brother, came over around 7:30 to say good morning and give his finance a kiss.  how cute is that!?!?!?


one day someone [besides my mom and dog] will love me.  he'll love me for the amazing, tourettes inflicted, sailor mouth, obsessive, fashionista, extremely talkative self i am.


& and i can't wait for that day.

oh, life.

oh, life.  you treat me way too well.


my life rocks.  let me tell you why :


my family is made up of rockstars
-- as i mentioned before, my little sister got into the real BYU.  well, yesterday she found out she got into northeastern!!!  northeastern is a [prestigious] university located in boston.  i'm so freaking proud of her! my little sister is one of the smartest, most hardworking girls i know.  she got an A in calculus and physics.  really now.  who in the heck is smart enough to [1] take [both] calculus & physics during senior year , [2] do well in them , & [3] get into Northeastern.  my mind is seriously still blown.
-- my other little sister, little little sister, is getting her license in about 3 weeks.  i can't believe that mahterian girl #3 is going to be driving [1] in 21 days [but who's counting] & [2] before mahterian girl #2 [who is going to be 18 in 3ish months].  millie, you are too wonderful for words.
my weight loss journey is still [slowly] continuing
-- my corduroy pants i bought over thanksgiving break [or that my dad bought for me] are fitting perfectly.  i have no muffin top in them.  they are on the verge of becoming too big.  my size 31 , 100% cotton pants [WITH NO ELASTICITY] are fitting must right.  goody goody gumdrops.
-- my weight is going down slower and slower.  but my clothes are fitting better and better.  funny story.... so the orangish dress in the post below this one was a christmas present for myself.  i put it on last sunday for stake conference hoping that i would look decent enough to go to church.  i didn't want to dress to impress because i had no one to impress.  but i put it on and everyone and their mother raved about me in it and told me i looked stunning/phenomenal/too beautiful for words/extraordinarily thin.  so that dress looked normal on me.  for a girl who could barely fit into an XXL 7 months ago, it was like christmas.  but better.
school and classes are going phenomenally
-- accounting is going extremely well.  although i'm not getting the best test grades in that class, i love it.  i LOVE accounting.  last week, as i was taking an accounting test and working the problems, i was loving every second!  like i enjoyed using my [enormous] brain to figure out the value of LIFO under the perpetual inventory system!  i definitely think i'm going into the right career.
-- you know those times when you think so hard that your brain starts to hurt?  like you literally feel your muscles [in the brain?] working at full speed?  yea, some of you know that feeling.  that is the feeling i get before/during/after my ethics class.  best class ever.  i find an extreme amount of happiness and pleasure in learning about concepts i've never heard of before.  in my ethics class, i have learned more than i have in any other class.  i partially owe [all of] that to my teacher, brother baron.  i highly recommend that class to EVERYONE. it's not an easy A class at all. i am struggling to pull a B.  but the lessons and different ways of thinking that you learn from the class make you wish every 60 minute class period was 5 times as long.




every single time i call my mom she says "we all miss your blog posts! keep posting!"  so, suzy, you're the reason i keep blogging in my stressfulness of school, sickness, and tics.


"things have always been harder for me.  but that's never stopped me, and it never will"

for suzy

I AM SO EXTREMELY SORRY I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN A LONG TIME.

Really, I am.  Between school, my awful tics, and my flu/cold, I've been overly busy.

THINGS THAT ARE NEW WITH ME, ALI MAHTERIAN :

[1] accounting is kicking my trash.  hard effing core.

[2] my mothereffer tic is back.  it's not as entertaining/awesome as it seems.  probably because I'm at BYU-Idaho and can't use it to my advantage.

[3] i really miss my dog.  and my family.  but mostly my dog.

[4] my sister, Erika, got into BYU.  the real one, not the idaho one.  yay erika!

[5] i'm still dressing well!!  look at the pictures to see for yourself.

[6] 58 pounds down.  2 more until i reach -60.  

[7] i've been exercising for the past 3 weeks.  walking, baby.  i can speed walk a mile in under 15 minutes.  what whatttt

[8] i'm a true believer that the sales sections at most stores are better than the full-priced section.  advice for the day : go directly to the sales section when you enter a store.  i guarantee that you will find something for half the price of a normally priced item.

[9] i have met the most amazing people EVER this semester.  this semester has been the best, socially, so far. 

 please meet some of them :

this is katie.

this is sammy.

they're twins.

this is drea.

these three ladies are from oregon.

i'm obsessed with them.

[10] and, as usual, i'm loving life.