my random appreciation list.

i'm completely aware that i have an appreciation list on the side of my profile, but i wanted to make another one.  because i'm just so darn appreciative of everything in my life.


i'm grateful for :


[1] gluten free pizza.  since [1] pizza is my favorite food and [2] i can't have gluten, gluten free pizza just would seem logical to put on this list.  GF/DF pizza is the best.  i know most of you have tried my GF/DF pizza at some point in time and either hated it or secretly loved it [kim].  i haven't eaten normal pizza in about a year, and i don't really remember what it tastes like.  thus, GF/DF is one of my favorite things.  until i get sick of it, that is.


[2] OCD.  seems like an odd thing to be grateful for, doesn't it?  my ocd doesn't consist of washing my hands 400 times a day, being insanely clean, or flicking the light switch an even number of times before i go into a room.  what it does include is paying extreme attention to detail, re-copying my notes/schoolwork, and remembering the random details of things that people tell me.  why am i grateful for this?  because it has helped me excel in my job at bvh -- i am a pro at remembering peoples names, a phenomenal filer, and am extremely efficient in the work that i do.  at least that's what i get told every day.


[3] life.  i was recently having a conversation with my grandpa and his friend, who are both in their 70s, about life and getting old.  i said to my papa's friend, who just turned 70,  "wow - 70!?  you're getting old!"  to which he replies "yea, but some people don't make it this far."  that statement - those 9 simple words - really made me appreciate my life so much more than i have been.  thinking about all of the people who have had their lives abruptly taken away from them made me realize that life is a gift that is not meant to be taken for granted - because you never know when it's going to be taken away from you.


[4] watches.  i'm thankful for watches - they help tell you the time, they're a great fashion statement, and they're there to constantly remind you that work is going a lot slower than you actually think it is.

i'm so grateful for random things.  i can't think of anything else currently, but i'll leave you with this -- my life is perfect.  i am so thankful for the little things that make life enjoyable.  like i've said before, i wouldn't change a thing about me.

camp twitch and shout.

how do i even start to describe camp twitch and shout?  a camp full of 117 campers with tourettes plus 69ish volunteers [about 30 with tourettes] has got to be exciting, right?  people would think that tourette's camp would be amazing, stressful, and chaotic.  what most people don't know [unless they've experienced it for themselves] is that camp is an inspirational place where most people come to realize that fortunate they are.  

a lot of people ask me "so what do you do at tourette's camp?  do you sit around and talk about what it's like to have tourette's?"  AND HERE IS THE ANSWER : no, we don't talk about our feelings -- it's NOT a therapy session.  camp twitch and shout is a normal camp with normal camp activities where children with tourette syndrome can go and feel normal for 6 days of the year.  most of you don't know what it's like to have to explain your tics every time you meet someone new, and most of you probably don't know what it's like to be made fun of for something you can't control.  this is what kids at camp experience -- a whole 6 days of not having to explain their twitches or being made fun of!  at camp people actually accept you for who you are, because the one thing campers are picked on for in the real world is the common denominator that makes everyone similar!  IT'S A FREAKING MARVELOUS THING! 

i had the pleasure of being 1 of 4 counselors for the 10-11 year old boys.  [YEA GREEN 2!]  my co-counselors were 2 teaching fellows from north carolina and 1 latvian guy who biked to atlanta, georgia from bronx, new york.  talk about intense...  so the 4 of us had 8 boys who i wish i had pictures of but i don't because my disposable camera hasn't been developed yet.  these boys touched our hearts, made us cry, and reiterated the fact that yes, i do want to be an accountant and work in an office with my own cubicle and air condition.  not because i didn't love my boys, because I DO with all of my heart, but because after camp is over, you realize why camp is only 6 days.  i just don't have the passion and energy it takes to be a teacher.  that's all.  my boys [lazarus, nick, andrew, josh, ty, t.d., james, and cole] all made camp the adventure it was.  the amazing, AMAZING experience that will continue to be my favorite week of the year.  i think most volunteers will agree that camp is something that has to be experienced in order to fully understand.

and since i didn't go to camp when i was younger, i think i sometimes have more fun than the kids.  so here are some of my "firsts" at camp.  

MY FIRST TIME

-- fishing

-- catching a fish!!!

-- canoeing

-- paddle boating

-- shooting a bow and arrow at archery [and failing]

-- climbing half-way up a rock wall [which is an accomplishment in itself]

-- dancing and making a fool out of myself [maybe i've done this before...]

-- star gazing

-- hanging out in a teepee

-- getting bitten to death my mosquitoes on my ankles [solely on my ankles]

-- tie-dying

-- running around the petting zoo trying to catch a chicken

and i owe camp twitch and shout the biggest THANK YOU for allowing me to be a counselor.  and for helping me [indirectly] getting my life back.  

here's a video that might semi-help you grasp how amazing camp is.  just maybe   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvXHsdI3CGw

where it all began.

it's that time of year again, my friends.  the best week of the year, my favorite week of the year, just concluded.  the most life changing week, that ultimately started my weight loss journey, ended about 96 hours ago.  not that i'm counting or anything...


i first off should apologize for failing at keeping up on blogging.  between working 2 jobs, trying to sleep, and attempting to have a social life, i'm a busy bee.  but i love it and wouldn't change it for anything.


most of you have heard some bits and pieces of the story of my weight loss journey.  now that the year mark has passed, i figured it would be a good time to tell my story.


senior year in high school i learned of my intolerance to wheat/gluten and dairy.  me, being the food lover that i was, refused to give up my pizza, hamburgers, quesadillas, and fast food.  food was the only thing that had been at my side through all of my struggles.  pun intended.  i had been trying to stop eating gluten/wheat and dairy because it made me feel....bad.  but i couldn't give it up because i was to stubborn.  this was a struggle that i fought with all through freshman year in college when i gained the freshman 30.  yikes. fast forward to june 28, 2010 when i arrived at camp twin lakes for a 6 day adventure of being a counselor at camp twitch and shout, aka my tourette's camp.  most of you have heard about this camp and know how much i love it.  it was that day, june 28, 2010, that i decided gluten/wheat and dairy [and mostly their side-effects] would take away from me being the best counselor i could.  plus, camp cuisine in the south is not the best and i figured "what better time than the present?" so i decided over my last supper [which was a large plate of pizza] that my obsession with food that made me sick [and would make my cabin mates HATE me] would need to end now.  because i figured it was now or never.  and i was right.  the entire week at camp i didn't eat gluten, wheat, or dairy.  AND I FELT SO FREAKING GOOD! i lived off of celiac cereal, peanut butter & bananas, and apples for the entire week.  and it paid off, because i lost 10 pounds in 6 days.  so when i refer to camp twitch and shout as my favorite week of the year, you can now kind of understand why.  it wasn't just because i met some of the most amazing, incredible, inspiring people EVER, but because it was when i finally gained control of my life and decided that i needed to change.  because i honestly don't know where my life would be if i hadn't changed..


i thought it would be fun to do a little question and answer game with previous favorites and current favorites.  let's see if your minds are blown as much as mine is.


june 28, 2010
weight : 212 pounds
favorite food : baja fresh chicken quesadilla with extra cheese. calories : 1,600
estimated calories consumed daily : 3,400
amount of money spent a week on fast food : $50.00
amount of confidence on scale of 1-10 : -5
clothing size : XXL [tops] 14 [bottoms]


june 28, 2011
weight : 156 pounds
favorite food : chicken fajitas with soy cheese, avocado, and salsa. calories : 450
estimated calories consumed daily : 1,300
amount of money spent a week on fast food : $0.00
amount of confidence on scale of 1-10 : +14
clothing size : M/L [tops] 10 [bottoms]


these are only little bits and pieces of how my life has changed.  it should also be known that i was on a thyroid pill [but i cured my own thyroid problem by losing all of this weight], and i'm currently on ADHD pills that curb my appetite.  no, you can't have any :]


my life is so much [different] now.  [insert any positive word in the parenthesis].  i honestly don't remember what it was like to be heavy.  i'm all about keeping my eyes focused on the present, and the future, because i will NEVER EVER NEVER NEVER EVER go back to the weight i was.  and i'm giving you my permission that if you see me gain back any amount of weight you may slap me and pester me and take away my large pizza that is in front of me.  but the chances of that happening are super slim, because i love being super slim :]


peace & blessings, my angels.


xx ALi

my firsts.

since the start of my life changing weight loss journey 11 months ago, i have experienced many firsts.

my first pair of designer jeans.  i work at Nordstrom, as most of you know, and was shopping on my dinner break.  i found some shirts to try on, and since i was wearing a dress i needed some jeans to try them on with.  i tried on a pair of Joe's Jeans and fell in love with them.  thus, i, ali mahterian, bought my first pair of designer jeans.  i love my life.

my first time fitting into my moms wedding ring.  my mom has a BEAUTIFUL wedding ring that she got when she got married.  since then, she has upgraded to bigger and better things [as my dad says, "bitch got an upgrade"]  her first wedding band was a simple gold band with tiny diamonds, and i had been waiting for the day when i actually fit in her beautiful ring.  ladies and gents, the day has come.  my moms first wedding ring finally fits.  and i wear it every day.

my first pair of size 10 shorts.  when i got home from school for the summer, i had a little spring cleaning to do.  my size 14 shorts were obviously too big, so i went to get a few pair of shorts to wear during the summer.  my friend traci and i went to American Eagle and i picked out some shorts to try on.  i got some size 12s and then thought, why not try on a size 10?  what have i got to lose?  welllll let's just say i couldn't believe my eyes when those size 10 shorts slipped on my waist with no hassle!  and get this -- i didn't even have a muffin top.

my first time looking in the mirror and not believing it was really me who i was staring at.  i have always had self acceptance issues; i've never really given myself the credit i deserve.  the other night, as i was getting ready for work, i was looking in the mirror and thought "who the heck is this girl?"  it's taken me a while to actually take to heart that this is me -- the new and improved ali.  i still think of myself as overweight.  whenever i go into a store to try on something, i immediately go to the large and extra large clothing section, and then take a medium just to see how much farther i have to go on my weight loss journey.  i'm still astounded when the medium actually fits me.  accepting my new lifestyle and body is harder than you would think.

my first time turning down a cupcake.  at my second job, Buena Vista Hospice, there was a baby shower for one of the doctors who works there.  there were about 50 cupcakes left over, so naturally they were in the lunch room.  on my lunch break, i sat in front of these 50 beautiful looking cupcakes while eating my GF/DF vegetarian burrito.  and i didn't miss the taste of that cupcake one single bit.

here's to the past and never going back.  and the future -- which will be filled with even more success and happiness than i've experienced to this date.

plateaus.

plateau.  


a period or state of little or no growth or decline.  [dictionary.com]


i, ali mahterian, am at a plateau in my weight loss journey.  i've been at this plateau for about 5 months.  i'm trying to think of the reasons why i'm not losing weight.  here are my reasons :


[1] i lost 55 pounds in 6 months.  that's a short period of time  i'm thinking that my weight loss is still trying to catch up with my body.
[2] i'm actually eating.  when losing weight, i didn't eat like i am today.  since i've learned the concept of portion control, i'm eating all of the foods i want to -- pizza, ice cream, bagels [all GF & DF, of course].   because i'm so excited to actually be able to eat the food i love, i'm not eating portions which would allow me to lose weight -- i'm eating portions that keep me at a steady weight.  not complaining there.
[3] since i'm not in school, i have more time on my hands to be bored, thus consume exuberant quantities of food because i have nothing better to do.  [good news -- i don't really do this]


those three reasons, i believe, are kind of why i'm not losing weight.  that, and the fact that i'm not exercising -- or wasn't.


exercise.  i've always told myself i absolutely HATE exercise.  detest.  loathe.  despise.  exercise is one of my least favorite things to do.  or was** one of my least favorite things. now that i'm 55 pounds lighter, i like exercising. [cam, you were right]. i went for a walk with annie a couple of nights ago, and i started off jogging.  i jogged up my street.  for those of you who know me, you know i hate running.  this little milestone of being able to jog up my street [yes, up. as in up a hill] made me realize how far i've actually come on my weight loss journey. although i may be at a plateau, i've come a long way.  and the only reason i stopped wasn't because my legs were hurting, it was because my lungs/heart were out of shape.  so i guess this means i've got a lot of working to do if i want to be in shape.  


and you know what?  after i exercised, i felt great!  for years i've literally refused to exercise.  and now i actually want to do it.  i have a desire to do something i hate.  this is a big thing for me to take in...  the hard part is getting my workout clothes on and starting.  because starting is the hardest part.  but once you're doing it, you feel great.  that's how it was with my weight loss.  once i decided to finally start, i felt great.  but before i started, i had the worst attitude -- i refused to change because i thought i was fine just the way i was.


exercising is like weight loss -- the hardest part is actually getting off your butt and doing it.


xx ALi

i apologize

i apologize, my friends.


i apologize for not posting a blog post in a super long time.
i also apologize for not filling ya'll in on my life.


i, ali mahterian, have two jobs.  not one job.  two jobs.  two jobs in this economy where some people can't even get one.  can i just tell you fols that i might be the happiest girl alive?


and they're good jobs.  job number one is working at a hospice owned by my neighbor.  i work as an office assistant, and i help out with the payroll.  payroll might be my favorite part of coming to work... people think i'm weird for loving numbers so much, and they're just speaking the truth.  job number two is working as a seasonal cashier for, get ready, NORDSTROM!  that's right.  i have a job at nordstrom.  i will be working as a cashier during the anniversary sale, women's half yearly sale, and men's half yearly sale.  i'm pretty stoked.


other exciting news in my life :
[1] camp twitch and shout is less than two months away!
[2] i'm officially a size 10 :]
[3] annie, one of my best friends, is home!  
[4] my dog still continues to favor me out of everyone in the house.
[5] and i'm absolutely the happiest i've ever been.  even happier than 3 weeks ago when i said the exact same statement :]
[6] oh, and i just found out i can't eat peanuts.  not exciting news, but new news.


and just before school ended, apartment 102 took roommate pictures.  they look awesome.

 this is us looking beautiful, as always.

 this picture captures the essence of all of our personalities.

and i'm just plain obsessed with this picture.

xoxo,
ALi

what love really means

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgGUKWiw7Wk

the above url is a link to a wonderful song.  please, please, PLEASE listen.  [i promise] you'll like it.


the song is called "what love really means", and like any girl, i ponder that question more than i should.  


there's a line in the song that says "who will love me for me?"  before someone can love me, I have to love me.  I <-- capital i.  it's hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves.  and i've finally figured that out.  having changed drastically over the past 8 months [not only physically, but emotionally/mentally] i have finally learned to love myself.  instead of critiquing my flaws [but let's get real, i have very few], i have learned to compliment what positive attributes i possess.  


thinking of my non-perfect qualities, i wouldn't change anything.  shocking?  it shouldn't be.  my positive attributes mixed with my flaws mixed with my quirks make me the person i am -- the person everyone loves.  people love people with challenging pasts; they like to see what trials have molded the person into who they are today.  


at the end of the song [which is a christian song, by the way] it says "i will love you for you."  the artist is referring to Christ, but i like to think of it as my future husbands words.  it's comforting to know that someone will love me for me, despite what i've gone through [which actually isn't a lot.  i've been pretty blessed]  


 am i the only person who is excited for someone to love me as much as i love them!? [besides my parents/sisters/dog/family]  i'm freaking out over here!!!  but again, i think that love means loving yourself enough to allow others to love you.  don't think of your flaws and put yourself down when you could be praising your positive characteristics.  that's something that i have had to figure out for myself, and now that i've adopted that principle in my life, i'm the happiest i've ever been.

I LOVE ME FOR ME!