they say.

people say that loosing weight is the hardest part of any journey.  folks, they're wrong -- keeping the weight off is the hardest.


i've been struggling a little bit.  it's been over a year since i hit the 50 pound weight loss mark and i'm not losing anymore.  but then i look at myself and think "while i may not be losing more weight, my body is changing immensely."  while this is all fabulous, i still wish the weight would just drop off like it did at the beginning.  and since the marathon training had to stop [shin splits :/] i haven't been working out as much as i should be.  honestly, i'm just so swamped with accounting homework and trying to pull my grades up to A's before the semester ends.  i keep telling myself, "this is only temporary", but then i don't go to the gym for a few days at a time.  who am i kidding, it's more like once a week-- if i'm lucky.  and the urge to eat is just coming upon me like no one else's business. my gahl, i just want to eat everything.  my rationale is that since i've already lost the weight that i can eat whatever i want.  but here's the thing.. i'm not at my goal weight yet!  hell, i'm about 30 pounds from my goal weight.  i know that i need to be going to the gym and eating better, but i just haven't been.  and it scares me to death that i could be gaining weight and that i could put back on my 50+ pounds.  BUT I WON'T.  i cannot and i will not.  i'm just going through an extremely stressful time that i want to eat my way through.


it WILL not happen.  i WILL survive.  only one more month of school and then i can finally get my life back.


xoxo discouraged ollie.