i remember

You guys should know that I never, and i repeat NEVER, tell anyone about my weight.  My own dad doesn't even have the privilege of knowing, unless he threatens to take away my car if I don't tell him. 

 My weight has been an issue my entire life.  Very few people knew how much I weighed at my heaviest.  Now, the whole internet knows that I weighed 212 pounds at one point in my life.  The funny thing is, it was just 6 months ago that I was an obese individual.  Darling, I was a BIG girl. Sad thing is, I didn't even realize it until now, when I look back on pictures.

Like I said before, weight has been an issue for my entire life.  Random memories pop into my head at random times.  I remember so many different things.

I remember :

1] In Elementary school, I would eat other peoples lunches that they didn't want.  If my friends had a bag of chips that they didn't want, I would inhale it with gusto [big words make me look/sound/feel smart]

2] In 5th grade, we had a big physical education test, comprised of many different components.  We had to run the mile, do pull ups/pull ups/sit ups, and my favorite part, weigh ourselves.  I had known I was above average for a fifth grader, so I was extremely nervous for this part.  We all stood in line and Mrs. Stewart, the PE teacher, pulled us over one by one and  had us stand on a scale.  When my turn rolled around, I was scared.  When I stepped on the scale, it read 110 pounds.  110 pounds.  In 5th grade.  At 4 feet 6 inches, I weighed 110 pounds.  Holy hell.

3] Also in 5th grade, at the end of the semester, we had a big graduation party.  All the girls got new outfits and dressed to impressed.  Since I was a girl, and I still am, I wanted to get a new outfit.  My mom and I went to the mall to try to find outfits.  Somehow we ended up at American Eagle.  I found a super cute skirt, and I tried it on.  I remember that the skirt was a size 4.  I didn't know what that meant, but I knew it wasn't great.  A size 4.  110 pounds.  In 5th grade.   At 4 feet 6 inches, I weighed 110 pounds and wore a size 4 skirt.  Mothereffer.  

4] Sneaking money to buy food.  My dad always had a change jar and every morning before school, I would sneak as many quarters as I could.  In Middle School, I would buy donuts and ice cream and french fries and pizza.  Whatever my little heart desired, I bought it.  I would always eat my lunch [turkey sandwich on brown bread, fruit/vegetable, 1 cookie] really fast and then buy more fattening food.  I continued this routine all the way into high school.  My school had REALLY good french toast sticks.  I would buy some every morning I could.  Donuts, cookies [La Reina had the BEST cookies], ice cream, more ice cream, main entrees.  Whatever I had money for, I bought.  No food could quench my hunger.

5] Eating copious amounts of food while my mom was gone.  Every time my mom went to the grocery store, or to run errands, I would eat.  I had a routine all worked out : As soon as I heard the garage door close, I would get out the bread, turkey, cheese, and mayonnaise to make a panini.  I would get 3 corn tortillas and 4 ounces of cheese out to make a quesadilla.  I would eat ice cream.  I would go into my family's food storage and take whatever I wanted.  The trick was to only take a little, so that it wouldn't look like anything was missing.  I would never take the last piece of pizza, or the last bite of pie, because then people would know.

I'm not embarrassed to tell these stories now.  I mean, yea, it's painful to remember, but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  Except obesity.  

Whenever I see people I haven't seen in over 6 months, they always comment on how happy I look.  They say "Ali, you were always happy before, but now I can see that you really mean it"

And here's my first recipe!! Whenever people see me make food, they're like ohmygosh Ali, that looks amazing!! Let me have the recipe!!! Well peeps, here's the first recipe of many.

AMAZING BREAKFAST QUESADILLA [UNDER 500 CALORIES]

Ingredients :

1 brown rice tortilla [you can use a flour tortilla, but since I have celiacs, I can't have flour.  Brown rice tortillas are available from Trader Joe's]

1 egg + 1 egg white [fun fact.  1 egg has approximately 80% of your daily cholesterol.  The yolk is mostly fat, which makes the cholesterol high.  Egg whites have very little cholesterol, so have 1 egg and as many egg whites as your hearts desires]

1/2 [or 1 whole] sausage [ Aidells brand]  My favorite are the Chicken & Apple or Mango.

1 ounce of soy cheese [or any cheese]

Optional : 

Avocado

Salsa

Directions :

1] Put a small frying pan on the stove on Medium.  Put a large frying pan [or griddle] on Medium Low 

2] Put the tortilla in the large pan and let it start to brown [I like my tortillas crispy, but it's all about your preference]

3] Cut the sausage into bite size pieces and put them in the small pan.  They're pre-cooked, but let them get warm and tender [right word? I don't think so]

4] As soon as the sausage is perfect [1-2 minutes], crack your eggs and start scrambling.  Because the pan is hot from the sausage cooking, it will be easy.  Scramble the eggs and sausage together

5] Meanwhile, the tortilla should be semi-brown.  Sprinkle your cheese evenly on the tortilla and turn down to Low

6] When the eggs & sausage are done, and the cheese has melted, dig in!  You may add some avocado or salsa.  

ENJOY YOUR HEALTHY BREAKFAST

I was an emotional eater.  Now I eat because I'm actually hungry.  That's my food for thought.

By the way, this is mom.  She's my #1 fan and super gorgeous.  I look forward to growing up and getting even more good looking.  Thumbs up if you're in love with Suzy!