dear 212 pound ali.

dear 212 pound ali --
you made it.  you finally made it.  you are now 55 pounds lighter and you love life.  i think it's safe to say that you are the happiest you've ever been.  you're currently on 5 pills a day instead of 25.  you now exude confidence.  people who haven't seen you in a few years can't stop marveling at how different you look.  they keep commenting on how you just radiate happiness.  can you believe that your favorite food isn't a chicken quesadilla from baja fresh anymore?  can you believe that you don't wear a size 16 pants or an XXL shirt??  i'm here to tell you that you can do it.  you are extremely capable of losing the weight.  one day something will finally click in you -- a switch will flip in your brain and you will start on the journey to your new life.  ali, don't give up on yourself.  people have made fun of you for being obese all of your life and now you've finally gotten rid of that awful label.  always remember that others will love you no matter what you weigh, but can i just say that it's so much more fun to be skinny?  that being said, stop sneaking food while sue is out doing errands and get off your lazy butt and make a change.  one day in the near future, you will realize that you love exercise.  take that love and run with it [literally].  eat only when hungry.  sleep only when necessary.  laugh all the damn time.  put the past behind you -- it's in the past for a reason.  become the person you've always dreamed of becoming before it's too late.  the life you've always wanted to live CAN become a reality if you really want it to.  stay strong, ollie.  i have faith that you can do it.


xoxo 157 pound ali

meet pickle.

this is pickle.

he's our new baby hamster.

i'm a tad obsessed with him.  but in the healthiest way possible.

have you ever seen this much joy on my face?

maybe.  but most likely not.  i love this little nugget.

and that's all, folks.

xoxo ALi

in case you were wondering...

...yes, i do still dress uber cute.

i just think the middle picture very accurately describes my normal personality.


and then here are some more...

oh, and still no marriage proposals.


xx ALi

blessed.

Have you ever laughed and cried at the same time?  Not crying from laughter, but two separate events occurring at the same time?  Last night I had a lot of both.


For some reason, I was having a bad night.  I was grumpy, emotional, and just feeling down about myself.  I texted my best friend Kim.  She responded with the most amazing text, and I am going to hang it in my room.  Our conversation went as follows :


A : "I'm just feeling so worthless.  It's like my self esteem took a leap out of a 22 story building and left me feeling so vulnerable."
K : "That's weird.  Good thing your parachute deployed showing how beautiful, funny, classy, sophisticated, spiritual, caring, loving, contagious, empowering, motivating, giving, and sooo many more things you are.  Go look at your picture of you in a bikini or a really cute outfit.  Go read some of your jokes you have written down.  Read your patriarchal blessing.  Look at all your friends.  Sleep in your size 8 jeans.  Dance naked.  Smile.  Then if your self esteem doesn't come back, remember that you are my best friend who has helped me through more stuff that you know and I think you are perfect just the way you are.  I love you!"


I started laughing, and then I cried.  I cried because I love her and I know she loves me.  I cried because even thought she said all of those kind things, I haven't accepted them.  I cried because I have been extremely blessed to have such amazing people in my life.


I'm usually a pretty optimistic person.  I love people so much.  When people don't reciprocate my love, I feel angry.  I feel frustrated.  I feel worthless.  But then I realize that the people who give me what I give them are the true friends you want to keep around for eternity.  They are my angels that God sent to help me in this life.


There are certain people who get you.  They completely understand where you're coming from and why you are the way you are.  I am so fortunate to have multiple people who encompass the qualities of a true friend.  They love me for the quirky, awkward person I am.  They love me even when I don't love myself.  They are sad when I'm sad, happy when I'm happy, and overwhelmed when I'm overwhelmed.  They are my boosters.  They keep me going.  They are the people who truly listen because they have genuine interest in what I have to say.  They are the people who randomly give me compliments because they know that's how I feel loved.  They are the people who stay up til the wee hours of the morning talking with me because they care.  I am SO BLESSED to have such amazing angels in my life.  You know who you are.


xx ALi

what i really really want more than anything

hi.  i'm ali mahterian.  it's 2:17 in the morning and i was just thinking about how much i want a hand to hold.  is that weird?  i just really like holding people's hands [especially boys].  i personally think it's one of the best things ever.  that's really all i want right now.

start of something new.

"it's the start of something new / it feels so right to be here with you", sing gabriella and troy in the first high school musical.  well, ladies and gents, they do have a point.  the start of a new school year is just around the corner [school starts tomorrow] and i'm so excited for what this new semester has in store!  


while i legitimately am excited for actual school to start, i'm also excited for my social life.  i am a blossoming butterfly in the school of social-ness.  i really love meeting new people and having a whole semester to make friendships that hopefully last longer than 2 weeks.  i mean, what better way to make friends than bonding over the multiple social attractions rexburg has to offer!?  there's the potato fields... and that's about it.  awkward.


i've meet all of my roommates, and i am happy to report that they are spectacular!  I LOVE MY ROOMMATES.  they are absolutely wonderful and i think we'll get along super well.  scratch that -- i KNOW we will get along super well.  positive reinforcement usually brings good juju, so i'm going to hope for the best. i think the moment i knew i loved them [i know, it's only been a few days and i'm already dropping the L bomb] was when i told them i had tourette's and might swear.  they just laughed, and said "that's fine".  one of them, morgan, said "kay, good, because i swear sometimes too.  and i don't even have tourette's."  so all of the pre-semester jitters are gone!  now i just have to survive my first day at school...


also on another positive note : it's great to be back in my apartment complex with friends i met last year.  one thing that i hate is meeting cool people at the end of the semester, thus not having an adequate amount of time to secure a special place in their heart.  now that i'm back [and cooler than ever] i can rekindle these flames of friendship and hang out with these awesome people even more!  oh my goodness, my excitement can hardly be contained!


and now, a pre-semester prayer.


rexburg, please be good to me this semester.
please allow me to be a drop dead gorgeous bombshell that multiple guys admire.
also help me to do well in my classes.  
i'd like to ask that my stomach act semi-normal and that i don't get too sick.
and please keep the snow away.  far, far away.


amen.  xx ALi

happiness.

happiness means something different to everyone.  this being said, i decided to ask some of the people that matter most to me in this world what happiness means to them.  [there are a lot of people that fit into this category, but i couldn't reach all of you.  i apologize.]


my personal definition of happiness : happiness is trying on size 8 pants [when you thought you were a 10] and having them fitting perfectly.  <-- true story.  i am now a size 8.  thank you very much.


annie adams : "happiness is when you feel like there are little light bugs jumping around in your tummy, heart, and head, and when you feel like you are in control of your life, you like where you are at, and have nothing but bright hopes for your future."


kimberly turlay : happiness.  sushi.  adele.  in n out shakes.


miss hailey sasine, director of camp twitch and shout : "happiness is working towards goals, and making steps in the right direction to achieve them."


stephanie halversen, who i always rely on for blunt, sarcastic humor : "happiness is having someone to tie my shoes when i don't feel like bending over."

i couldn't have said it any better myself.

xx ALi